The Importance of Closure – 3

Aristotle once said, “As you age, the world becomes a much better place to live in”; Or I may have just made that up. Anyhoo, this might sound incredibly in sharp contrast to all the Facebook ranters who go, “How being a kid was fun” but trust me, it is so effing NOT true. When we were young, our problems were simpler; to finish our homework, to sneak out and play or to eat a candy when your mum and dad aren’t watching you but none of us managed it consistently. In short, we sucked. As we have grown older, our problems sure have become deeper but we are more equipped to handle ‘em. The only problem that remains however is our deep seated need to end something to start something afresh.

In the past in The importance of Closure 1 and The importance of Closure 2 I talked about the importance of closures and the need to have an emotional closure on things that are a far cry. However, I have of late come to discover that having a closure is not all that necessary and often times in our desperate attempts to seek closure, we might ruin things that have stood the test of times and would’ve lasted longer if not for our emotional need to fall pray for the ‘ Oh let me move on’ trap.

Once again, I’d like to redefine what I mean by a closure. By closure I don’t mean covering the wound to stop bleeding. I unequivocally disagree with that notion of closure. I agree that, when confronted with an unsatisfactory situation, one must move on. However, doing so is often, in real life, a matter of accepting the existence of loose ends. The notion of “closure” that’s mostly used (or misused?) of late, seems to me to be akin to the notion that life should be like a fairy tale. The cult of “closure” often manifests itself as an utterly self-centered demand for attention and gratification from others. Among the most dedicated seekers of closure are all the stalking exes and revenge-bent gangsters (whether inner-city or international) destroying everyone’s peace because they demand that the world stop to serve their desires.

This is the exact kind of stuff I’m gonna talk about now. The desperation to seek a closure may have unforeseen repercussions. I’m not saying, nobody should ever have a closure on stuff. Of course, a closure for what it is worth would help us to let go of our past and provides us an incentive to look forward. There’s some time where everyone needs an emotional closure, to deal with a break-up, a let off or a “self” let down or anything else, for that matter. I’m only trying to say one should try to find a closure within.What is the point of seeking a closure from someone at the end of a strained relationship? If not to strain it any further? What every association or relationship leaves us with, is memories; Memories that’ll be etched in us for eons to come. Memories that will always bring a big smile on our face and some incredible moments that we’ll be proud of for the rest of our lives.  And its better we don’t ruin ‘em for good. And associations and relationships have this funny way of opening up many facets. By that I mean, say one facet of it is ruined you can always switch modes and go back to that facet of a relationship which has yielded you nicer dividends.

So if relationships have to be preserved and if associations have to be withheld, its best to seek a closure within, instead of hoping for a fairy to come and get you off it. You just have to back yourself up and get on with stuff. There is one trick here. Always live in the notion that, “I am the protagonist and this is my story and like all good tales, everything is going to fall in place and end well”. And that’ll give you enough motivation to back yourself up and live life in a better way instead of running behind stuff to seek closures on things that neither you nor any other can guarantee to have happened. A closure for what its worth, should get you off a strained relationship into that facet of it, in which you are most comfortable rather than pushing you out off it.

If you don’t get this, you’d automatically deserve an entry into hall of shame, or ‘the project manager group’. Period.

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