1. When you have to say “screw you”, always smile after that – Most people dont get sarcasm and your ass is saved
2. When you want to borrow money from someone and not pay back in time, tell ‘em how awesome they are. It will work half the time, and other time, they obviously will know they are dumb.
3. If you are an Indian, like and may be sometimes even worship, Sachin Tendulkar.
4. When you have relatives at home, you don’t send ‘em back inappropriately. the way you do that is by borrowing money from ‘em time and again.
5. If you want to yell at someone or make fun of someone, do it on their face and immediately tell ‘em, “If it was someone else, I wouldn’t even be thinking to do it. You are such a sport” – That will work, almost all the time.
6. If you don’t want to follow someone on Twitter, create a list and put ‘em there.
7. There is no right age or time to tell people that they are delusional and imaginary. The best way is to scare ‘em with your weird philosophy.
8. Philosophy might not pay you, but it will sure scare the crap out of your friends. And makes you look cooler and wise (which none of us can ever afford to be, if otherwise)
9. When someone asks you, “What do you think?” and you want to say, “You suck”.. just say, “Yea ok”.. Any dim-witted person would understand it, if they dint, well they don’t even deserve to be called dim-witted.
10. When you make jokes on someone on Facebook, make sure they can’t read it. Privacy settings are there for a reason.
11. If you accidentally yelled at someone or had a huge altercation, just go retweet ‘em or like their Facebook statuses.It will work most of the time.
12. You might also want to like/share/tweet this post.

Not that I’m extremely proud of it or have ever considered it to be cool, but only perhaps it has taken me longer than usual to understand the world around me and come to appreciate it. Better later than never I suppose. But of late what I have come to realize is, it ain’t just me who’d fell trap to it. What is ironic is how the entire notion of being free-spirited is ill-conceived. Most of us couldn’t really differentiate between being free-spirited and being selfish or sometimes even random. Is it free-spirited nature when you commit a crime because you want to do it? Is it free-spirited ideology when you pick on a religion and humiliate others because you think that is cool? Is it free spirited when you jump from a top of a building because you felt like doing it? Or you are just being insanely crazy and random?

Being free-spirited requires a lot of things from us. It requires us to not have contradictory beliefs. It requires us to be rational. Suppose you want to do X. There are a number of questions you have to ask yourself. Do you have a reason to do X? Does the fact constitute a reason for you to X? Is there a contradictory belief that constitutes for you to not do X? Even if one of these questions is not answered, you ought to think twice before subscribing to your all-so-cool free-spirited attitude. In short, its a simple reasoning question. If only your premise holds good, your conclusion (to be free-spirited) should follow.

Its not something we have acquired all of a sudden. We progressively grow into this as we age. We hear most kids complaining to their parents that its their life and they can take care of it. We hear people say “its my business”, when they get defensive about something. So having to take our own decisions is something we have been obsessed with for long. There is not a single person who wouldn’t cherish the power of decision making. So its always been there with us. What changed all of a sudden is not the insatiable hunger to just take our own decisions but the crazy obsession to make a point to the world around us that we are free-spirited and subsequently the appetite to crave for attention.

What most of us fail to realize is being free doesn’t mean we are not supposed to seek help. It tells us to be independent as well as to be co-dependent. Its never about the egoistic “I”, its always about the “I” and the collective “we” or the influence of “I” on the collective “We”. Hence, its more of a responsibility than comfort. There are not many ‘free-spirited’ thinkers in the world, not real ones. For us to grow into one, its not arrogance that’ll take us there, reasoning hopefully will.

No value embodiment lecture, this! I just had to get it outta me. Period.

I’ve been attending so many weddings of late that I don’t remember the last time I had dinner at home. Pun aside, what makes the weddings incredibly joyous than the wedding per se is the connection between two people and further two families; getting politically registered. As much as I’m happy for all my friends and relatives who have embarked upon new journeys in their life, I’m equally baffled at the institution and the huge baggage this brings into an individual’s life and these people calling and anticipating their biggest romance in life is about to be started which I hope for of course. But,  oddly and understandably most weddings I have been part of, have been arranged; processed and scheduled by the elderly from both sides. What continues to surprise me is how two people, two educated people, vary of the world around ‘em, vary of the emotional and behavioral imbalances, can agree to spend their lives together over just one meeting and that too, in presence of a huge mob by considering only financial and economic stability as the barometer for the all-awaited-and-most-important event in their life to happen. I am not saying, they don’t work out well or they don’t fit well together or anything. For me personally, that’s not the kind of romance that connects. So we have arrived at a kind of understanding about how this post is gonna look like, haven’t we? This is only my personal opinion and I am not condescending the institution of marriage or arranged marriage per se.

Of all the arguments and about-life discussions I have had with family, friends and others, wise men and women or otherwise alike, what I have learned and understood is, Life is beyond survival. Its ok if you are not the best person on the planet, its ok if you are just ordinary, its ok if you are not the richest one in your family tree but its not ok if you don’t have a decent enough story to tell your grandchildren about your life when you turn 60. I’m not saying the whole arranged weddings don’t make up for good stories but I’m just saying, it is not the kind of stories I would want to tell my grandchildren. (That if all of us live beyond 2012, of course).

For me the kind of it that’s most fascinating is how two people meet each other and over a period time grow into knowing each other and reach a stage where they can anticipate each other’s emotion when certain thing happens but still be their own while loving and respecting the other – that makes up for a bloody good story for me. Either that or meeting someone all of a sudden on a journey or something and getting to know ‘em like really well and deciding to spend the rest of your life together. Its still better than meeting someone over a cup of coffee in a family get together and deciding to spend your rest of your life with ‘em – I know its a load of bullshit, but that is what ticks for me! If there was any magic left in the world, it would be in understanding someone and wanting to be with someone despite their inherent inconsistencies. I know its difficult and sometimes even challenging but who cares really? the attempt matters more.  May be sometimes the greatest romances in your life won’t last long, but there is nothing wrong about it really. When I talk about the greatest romance of my life, I want to be able to sing a waltz to that one and for me to be able to sing a waltz to her, she should be special. Special in my heart, special in my life and not be a part of stories I tell but be the stories I tell.

Only then, I could sing something like this to her like the guy from the Before Sunrise film….

Daydream delusion/Limousine eyelash/Oh baby with your pretty face/Drop a tear in my wineglass/Look at those big eyes/See what you mean to me/Sweetcakes and milkshakes/I’m a delusional angel/I’m a fantasy parade/I want you to know what I think/Don’t want you to guess anymore/You have no idea where I came from?/You have no idea where we are going?/Launched in life, like branches in the river/Flowing downstream, caught in the current/I’ll carry you and you’ll carry me/That’s how it could be/Don’t you know me/Don’t you know me by now!

Or perhaps its just the 24 year old romantic in me talking, if I ever happen to revisit the same thing 10 years from now. I might as well flag it as spam. Time is such a bitch!

2. Chase your dreams and yours alone, not your parent’s, not your friend’s, not your lover’s.

3. God wanted the human race to be happy so he created Pizzas, Cokes and Jennifer Aniston – Not necessarily in the order though!

4. Politicians are neither cat persons nor dog persons, they are just pigs.

5. Some managers don’t even know how to play Solitaire but still pose as if they are playing it, every time you go to meet ‘em.

6. Always remember, friendship is the act of being ok with someone eating your pizza.

7. Guys value di*ks more than brains. The first di*k guard in cricket was introduced in 1900s while helmets were introduced in 1970s.

8. There is no better feeling than getting to know about that girl on whom you have had a huge crush on, has become awfully fat.

9. If your manager wants to give you a hard time, all he’ll ask is to get things working on Internet Explorer.

10. If you want to get a job you have to learn Java, because apparently the world around you isn’t as bright as you are. So get your bum on Head first java and stuff.

11. Believing in God is not stupid but not locking your car just because you believe in God is.

12. Always wear a helmet while riding or worse, make sure you have sodexho coupons along with you when a cop catches for not wearing a helmet.

13. If you can climb Mt. Everest, you can do anything! (As long as it involves mountain climbing)

14. Care about others and their feelings, but not just all of ‘em.

15. Money is not the important thing on the planet. There is life beyond a BMW and a Villa.

16. If you think it is worth to do stuff for someone, by god! go do it. You might not get the recognition, you might not get the accolades but you’ll have a bloody good story to tell people.

17. Learn to live life, not just survive (And learn to appreciate it when people talk/write in cliches)

18. And finally, please do tell your stories to people around you, that’s how we grow. If you don’t tell your stories, nobody ever will.

I must have posted some of these on Facebook sometime or might have tweeted some of ‘em, but these are the 18 commandments of life, at least as far as I am concerned. Read it if you want to, ignore it if you don’t care. But don’t make a scene outta it. Period

1. What is so fascinating about Mark Twain really?

Most people take up to reading when they are around 10 and to serious reading, when they are 14-ish. And to a young boy, the fascinating things in life are the alignment of stars in the sky, the dark caves in a far away land, the river ripples and some magic realism (usually). And this is where Twain gets a nod convincingly head and shoulders above his contemporaries. He was the first of his kind, the writing style so relaxed, the characters you could relate to and incidents with a touch of magic realism and happy endings honey-coated with wit and sarcasm which is good enough to have a 14 year old hooked to it.

2. So Twain’s just that? A humorist and genial chronicler of childhood?

It is unfortunate that most people who have read Twain or claim to have, talk about his humour and how his writings shaped their childhood and stop at that. No doubt, his fame rests on the nostalgic boyhood stories about the river, and the humour. What most people inevitably miss out or choose to ignore is the near-nihilism in his later works, the dark side of his humour. But apparently, it has never been eye catchy to anyone partly due to the fact that, we have always had writers in abundance to talk about sedate stuff without any vernacular language. So would you be remembering Twain if it wasn’t for his humour? If you liked his Joan of Arc, then you would, otherwise not.

3. Fine he was funny. But we have had so many other funny writers, so what is the big deal about Twain’s humour?

The simplicity of it and the subtle pokes at the world around him. Quote – “Jim Smiley, in his most famous story (“The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County”), jolts you with his incongruity, his willingness to gamble about anything, even the death of the Parson’s wife. With Huck Finn, there’s all the hypocrisy he sees along the river“. His humour has transcended eras, simply because he talked about the world around him and applied the concept of magic realism to set things alright at the end, instead of neatly having things coiffed for the protagonist from the beginning.

4. So the style of his writing?

I am going to quote Earnest Hemingway here, “All American Literature comes from Mark Twain”. He was the Walt Whitman of prose. And what is eye catchy for a 21st century reader in Mark Twain is that you can read(“hear”) how people spoke in his day, since he sort of writes dialogue phonetically. (I’m thinking Huckleberry Finn). Our language today is so different, and its just plain interesting to see the change. And isn’t it fun to be living in another generation? All of us would have wanted to do so, at some point or other in our life. And Twain through his works, just manages to do that.

5. So what? There are so many other heroes, starting from the Alexander and the Romeo for the purists to Spiderman and Superman for the young age readers, no?

Well, there are. But to me personally, the most fascinating thing about being a hero is being normal. You want your hero to be like you and do greater and awesomer things making you feel, “Aah, I could’ve done exactly the same if I was him”. And that’s precisely what sets apart Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn or for that matter, Herge’s Tintin or Peter Parker (not Spiderman) from the rest. They are just like us, only more intellectual. And that’s just good enough for you to be wanting to be like ‘em. They never cease to inspire you and push you a notch further, because they never let go off their most powerful weapon, ‘common sense’. And of course, the joy of living and experiencing life.

6. What did Mark Twain teach me anyway?

Mark twain taught me my sense of what it means to be a friend, the value of courage, and to expect common sense from others is to exhibit a lack oneself.

And on Samuel Langhorne Clemens’s 176th today, lets all relive all the moments again. I sign off with one my most favourite lines ever written, “The elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time“. Mark Twain, FTW!

Women are not exactly as sensitive (physically or mentally) like the new age thinkers claim that they are. They are far more potent and extremely talented as much as any other species on this darn planet is. So if you don’t call a man picking his kid from school everyday awesome, don’t call a woman who does the same thing as awesome. The point is we are just adding up to the already existing intricacies of the society. If a person, be it a man or woman does great things, appreciate ‘em irrespective of the gender, show ‘em the same respect. I understand that some detractors might be hell bent upon not agreeing to this line of argument, citing and attributing the whole ‘managing the family’ to a woman and therefore tend to magnify every little thing they do.

But, what they don’t get is, as we keep doing this, the feeling that women are a weaker race can never be brought down and in a society where you want equality for women in everything, the practice ain’t helping the cause. I am not sure, how many new age women actually like it when they are bracketed as awesome for little things they do. For all we must know, they are humans and stop magnifying everything they do. We are not empowering them by doing that, we are only making them feel much more insecure. The feeling that, “Inspite of being a woman, I have done this” is not good, not good at all. Imagine someday if a lady who is leading a product department or leading a country for all we care, makes a mistake and then thinks to herself, “Well, I am a woman so I can afford to” – That would be the most depressing justification ever. And that’s just one hypothetical instance.

To conclude – Give them space to grow. We are never going to get anywhere as long as we treat them as some alien creatures. Respect people, not race, gender or any darn thing for that matter. Period.

In the past in The importance of Closure 1 and The importance of Closure 2 I talked about the importance of closures and the need to have an emotional closure on things that are a far cry. However, I have of late come to discover that having a closure is not all that necessary and often times in our desperate attempts to seek closure, we might ruin things that have stood the test of times and would’ve lasted longer if not for our emotional need to fall pray for the ‘ Oh let me move on’ trap.

Once again, I’d like to redefine what I mean by a closure. By closure I don’t mean covering the wound to stop bleeding. I unequivocally disagree with that notion of closure. I agree that, when confronted with an unsatisfactory situation, one must move on. However, doing so is often, in real life, a matter of accepting the existence of loose ends. The notion of “closure” that’s mostly used (or misused?) of late, seems to me to be akin to the notion that life should be like a fairy tale. The cult of “closure” often manifests itself as an utterly self-centered demand for attention and gratification from others. Among the most dedicated seekers of closure are all the stalking exes and revenge-bent gangsters (whether inner-city or international) destroying everyone’s peace because they demand that the world stop to serve their desires.

This is the exact kind of stuff I’m gonna talk about now. The desperation to seek a closure may have unforeseen repercussions. I’m not saying, nobody should ever have a closure on stuff. Of course, a closure for what it is worth would help us to let go of our past and provides us an incentive to look forward. There’s some time where everyone needs an emotional closure, to deal with a break-up, a let off or a “self” let down or anything else, for that matter. I’m only trying to say one should try to find a closure within.What is the point of seeking a closure from someone at the end of a strained relationship? If not to strain it any further? What every association or relationship leaves us with, is memories; Memories that’ll be etched in us for eons to come. Memories that will always bring a big smile on our face and some incredible moments that we’ll be proud of for the rest of our lives.  And its better we don’t ruin ‘em for good. And associations and relationships have this funny way of opening up many facets. By that I mean, say one facet of it is ruined you can always switch modes and go back to that facet of a relationship which has yielded you nicer dividends.

So if relationships have to be preserved and if associations have to be withheld, its best to seek a closure within, instead of hoping for a fairy to come and get you off it. You just have to back yourself up and get on with stuff. There is one trick here. Always live in the notion that, “I am the protagonist and this is my story and like all good tales, everything is going to fall in place and end well”. And that’ll give you enough motivation to back yourself up and live life in a better way instead of running behind stuff to seek closures on things that neither you nor any other can guarantee to have happened. A closure for what its worth, should get you off a strained relationship into that facet of it, in which you are most comfortable rather than pushing you out off it.

If you don’t get this, you’d automatically deserve an entry into hall of shame, or ‘the project manager group’. Period.

to it’s rightful owner.

For I’m merely a presenter,

and perhaps the keeper.

Till it reaches it’s owner

I shall continue to ponder

over things I have no control whatsoever

The memories are revisited

emotions contained, moments reminisced

and that  big blush on the face retained

whilst an irreparable November evening

One day this too shall pass

to it’s rightful owner.

For I’m merely a presenter

and perhaps the keeper.

All of us who like to label ourselves engineers (or for that matter any professional person) carry along with us a baggage, known as ranking system and an undying urge to top the class or group or whatever other thing that we have gone out with or have been a part of. This creates so many problems, a) we find ways to climb up the ladder, even if it means pushing down some other irrationally b) we always like to think that superiority comes through academic reports and later pay cheques. c) the sense of satisfaction is forever lost; and finally the most important of it d) In the struggle between morality and money, the latter always wins.

To elaborate, for most of us, all that matters after our education is the amount of money we earn. Sure its not really bad, but the intensity of it and the desperation to do whatever it takes to get there is what is killing. I would be lying if I said, I have not been there. All of us have been there, some of us have just learned how to not get tied up in that vicious zone while the rest of us haven’t. And what is just more depressing is how we are judged by the society by the amount of money you earn or the brand you work for; not a great quantifier that, understandably of course. Most of us don’t know what we want by the time we start with our undergraduate education and by the time we realize what we want, the time would have gone by and we try to keep up with where we are and what we are, instead of chasing our newly discovered passion; because we want to always play a safe game. And that is what is depressing. In pursuit of safety what we compromise upon is something that might have gotten us eternal satisfaction and joy. So we become basically dimensionless after a point and start to think, “Well, now that I don’t like it, let me at least make some money” and once we fall prey for that, everything else takes a back seat. And let’s not talk about “Oh my cousin is an engineer and later went to IIM and he makes money, so I would do that too” kind.

“So yea, what is the big fuss about morality here? Hasn’t it got to do with the system; that thing we always like to blame?” – Well the fuss with morality is that, while chasing something that isn’t really our dream in the first place what we tend to do is be a pushover and a hindrance to people whose dream is actually that. For instance, doing something that is not our cup of the tea in the first place kills the quality. With all due respect to our bragging rights and typical HR answers that go like, “Oh I’ll learn anything”, “I’m a great learner” “Oh you don’t know sir, my best achievement is I have learned to swim through Indian ocean twice”, it is still as annoying for us as, asking Micheal Jackson to not dance well or Indian cricket board to not mess up with their players. Its high time we let people who are best at a business to do it and we focus upon things that we are good at and that doesn’t include being a pushover or an arrogant brat, all though we are awesome at it.

Here, I’m not addressing people who switch their specializations for big bucks, so if any Engineer aspiring to be an IIM’er or is already one needn’t take any offense at it. I’m just trying to say, if you are good at it and if you enjoy to the fullest doing a job or being in a profession, do it, but just don’t be something or someone because you get big fat cheques and a no objection certificate from a girl’s parents. I’m not being judgmental here and I’m not saying something is right or something is’t. I am nobody to do that. I’m only trying to make people think that there is life beyond a villa and a BMW. Chase your dreams and your dreams alone and you needn’t make someone else’s dreams your dreams just because those dreams look and sound way more cooler, even if it is your parent’s dream. Period.